January 26, 2009


People have said this before and I have to agree waiting for anything is horrible, usually the waiting is the worst, however in my position the waiting while bad, the actual event will be worse, the funeral of my Mum.

As per my previous post, the funeral still has to be confirmed, the waiting is hard, the body has not been realesed to the mortician therefore we cannot book the crematorium, without a date and time, we cannot book a hotel for the wake.

Also on a personal level the waiting for things to happen is stressful but honestly it will not be as bad as the day, whenever it arrives. As a family we feel in limbo not moving forward, not getting a chance for things to settle, just waiting....

January 21, 2009

Death in the family

At 2am DST UK, 21st January 2009, Myra MacDonald Neill died, my Mum.

While suffering for the last few years with illness due to Chronic Lymphasitic Leukemia, she had been doing well, better than well, looking to the future, something she had rarely dared to do in the preceding months, she was to become a Grandmother, Grandma as she would tell us daily.

As per my previous post, Tuesday morning i received a call asking me to come home from my Dad, the fear of that call has nothing on the calls i have since taken since that call only 36 hours ago, while writing this.

The collapse was brought about by Septicaemia which moved in to Septic shock, so rapidly Dr's with many years experience were shocked to hear that on the previous Evening she had been in a well and fit state to the point that she had been out with friends and driven home, and had a lively discussion with myself and my Father. Going to bed at 12.30 that night.

The essentials are that her illness of the last few years had resulted in her having her spleen removed, therefore reducing her immune system to zero and meaning she was reliant on a daily dose of drugs to maintain her health. The illness which took her has been so violent that her system was overwhelmed and within an hour of collapsing she was hooked up to several monitoring machines and a ventilator to help her breathe.

Having spent most of the day and evening at the hospital with her and my family we came home for the night as there was nothing to do. Just before 1am the call I was dreading without realising it came through and true terror from a very nice nurse was known by me. We were all dressed and at the hospital by 1.15 and the Dr gave the news that the only reason my Mum was still alive was purely down to the massive amount of drugs and the several machines she was on. The prognosis was that her kidneys had failed and that without the machines she would go in minutes and we should consider turning the machines off, truly a concept that was far beyond anything i wanted to be asked.

For us as a family the decision was mercifully easy, we were all there and knowing my Mum she would not want to be kept alive in this state. at about 1.45 the machines were turned off and in 2 to 3 minutes she was gone, the speed with which it happened was scary but also easier to handle than a prolonged end.

The official cause of death was massive organ failure due to septic shock and the official time was given as 2am.

Through this tragic event there is the fact my sister is pregnant and is due to give birth in August and the fact my Mum has always wanted to be a grand parent she knew 3 weeks of pure joy at the fact this dream was going to be a reality and I like to believe that she died happy in this knowledge.

If anybody reads this and I appreciate anybody that does, this has been a selfish act on my part to try and bring some sense to the situation and i hope that it is read in this manner.

Soon to be Uncle Andrew saying good night.

January 20, 2009


Is when you are on your way to work and your dad phones and all he says is to come home.

The not knowing, my Mum is ill and and when i got home she had collapsed on the living room floor, my dad dithered and it is amazing the clarity you can have when faced with that clear terror, things slot into place. Called an Ambulance and it is just like 2 years ago on 21st January when my Mum broke her hip and we spent all day in the hospital.

So here I am sitting at home waiting and always the waiting is worse, what hospital, will she be okay...it makes me feel physically nauseous, can do nothing trying to keep busy.

Hope the phone goes soon.

January 19, 2009

The Police - my views

This is my thoughts on the Police, the arm of the government not the band, I don't like the band particularly. The Police on the other hand I quite like them and I think the real issues are the public and the bureaucracy that they have to deal with.

I was thinking about this today on the way home from work, in and around Edinburgh we have the Greenways, they are lanes of traffic for Public transport and you cannot drive in them at certain times of the day, I am sure there are examples of this all over the world. The rules are that unless you are a bus or Taxi you cannot drive in them at certain times. I pulled up behind a Police car tonight and it was funny as there were people that were going to drive past until they saw the police car and then they pulled in. What it showed me was that people are willing to break the law until they see the keepers of the law. And as I have been caught it was really good to see somebody get pulled over when they rushed past, if everybody waited then we would all wait for less time, supposedly.

I have had my fair share of run In's with the police and in all honesty I deserved what I got (basically just driving offences). Anyway my thoughts are that if we all behaved the Police would be able to take more consideration. The problem we have that as humans we always think that rules are there to make our lives harder and that if we can we will try and break them, I know I do. Anyway I know so many people that complain about the police and think they are out to get them.

I do think that the rules are made to make both the police and the people suffer. People feel the rules are wrong so break them, the police are then left with nothing to do but arrest those people, even if they don't agree with the rules themselves.

The best example on British television of seeing the Police in action is Road Wars and Street Wars, you totally feel for the officers some times as people are so stupid. Things like seat belts and mobiles while driving, there for your safety but people insist on not following those guidelines, they then kick off when the police stop them. There have been a few issues on these shows regarding violence, however the police do not know what people will do so have to act fast and make sure that nobody gets hurt.

Anyway this has been a bit rambling and is just a few thoughts on the Police.

Any comments appreciated Andrew.

January 17, 2009

First Post

Decided to start blogging and thought even if nobody reads it, and if you do, feedback greatly appreciated, that I could record my thoughts for myself.

They may be ramblings and they may not make much sense and it is also a very good opportunity for me to rant.

When I thought about writing this 3 hours ago away from my computer i thought I had a lot to say, now sitting here I cannot think of anything to say.

Anyway the thoughts i wanted o record usually happen in the Sauna at the Gym, I love the gym, well i love the pool, anyway I spend time in the Sauna which is beside the pool. Sauna's are great totally recommend them to anybody. From a health perspective if you have been in the gym the heat get's into the muscles and ease the tension. The feeling is like going in to a hot climate but the knowledge that you can cool down easily. The rush and the pressure if you can then brave the plunge pool or the clod shower, this opens the pores and gets the heart racing.

I love the fact that you can sit in the sauna and cleanse the body by sweating the crap from the system and down time to think and contemplate. There are also the people you can meet and talk too when in there.

So if you are ever in the Sauna and a big red head speaks to you have a chat it might be me.